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Sunday, 20 March 2011
The Church of Adolf Hitler
Letter to The Times
From Bishop Joseph Goebbels D.D.
I am writing on behalf of the Church of Adolf Hitler (pbuh), formerly known as the Nazi Party.
Having decided to transform ourselves into a religion, we have abandoned all worldly ambitions, and intend to concentrate on our higher spiritual objectives of non-violent global conquest, compassionate enslavement of inferior peoples, and peaceful extermination of the Jews.
Since we are now a religion rather than a political movement, we demand the following rights and privileges appropriate to our new identity:
- An end to Naziphobia in the media, especially war films showing the Nazis in a bad light.
- Tax exemption for all places of worship including airfields, munitions factories, extermination camps etc.
- Destruction of all blasphemous cartoons of Adolf Hitler(pbuh) produced in the Second World War.
- An apology from the British government for the campaign of Naziphobia waged by Winston Churchill, and the hurt feelings inflicted on the Afrika Korps at El Alamein by the Naziphobic bigot Montgomery.
- An apology from the American government for the insensitivity by the raging Naziphobe Eisenhower in failing to forewarn Nazi community leaders of the D-Day landings, which caused much distress among the peaceloving Nazis holidaying in Northern France.
- Burning 'Mein Kampf' must become a hate crime punishable by hanging with piano wire.
- Application of our parallel legal system known as 'The Gestapo' must be enforced in so-called 'democratic' countries.
- We demand affirmative action, in the interests of community cohesion, to promote Nazis to high positions in the security services.
- We demand government funding for the expansion of our youth activities, which play a vital role in keeping the younger generation out of trouble, and concentrate their minds on wholesome activities such as rallies, processions, camps, pogroms etc.
- The occasional Blitzkrieg invasions of sovereign states must not be portrayed in the media as being typical of Nazis as a whole, since this leads to Naziphobia. Rather they must be shown to be the work of a tiny minority of extremists who have hijacked a peaceful spiritual movement.
Peace in our time and Heil Hitler!
- Bishop Joseph Goebbels
.... Well, obviously nobody would be stupid enough to be deceived by such claims. This is an aggressive, militaristic, murderous, supremacist, genocidal ideology that worships a ruthless power-crazed megalomaniac, trying to pass itself off as a religion.
And they have the nerve to demand that since they are a religious movement, all criticism should be silenced, and public funds made available to aid the spread of their violent criminal activities.
This sort of thing could never happen even in your worst nightmares.